“You go to the hospital when your body is hurt… but where do you go when your feelings are hurt?” says a wife to her husband in a pay-per-view movie playing in a dark, trendy hotel room in Savannah Georgia.
“Wow…what a good f-ing question…”
It was one of the first full sentences the woman lying in the bed nearest the window overlooking the river had uttered that day. This to her friend who was sitting on a matching queen bed to hers, across an end table covered in water glasses, bottles of Pedialyte, ibuprofen and ice packs.
It Started With a Trip…Gone a Little Awry
Like a kid’s hotel room sleepover, the last of which was decades behind either of them, two women sat in the dark. One laying in the spot she hadn’t left since 2:30am the night before, except for intermittent emergency trips to the bathroom, the other sitting propped up under her own covers, the remnants of dinner sitting next to her in a styrofoam to-go container, neither of them still having had the appetite to eat much.
They had arrived the night before, flying in from their separate cities for a weekend of fun for one of their birthdays. After a late night out having “said fun”, one ended up spending the entire next day in bed with the curtains drawn, fighting to hold down even the smallest sips of water, while the other rallied to hit up a few day tours, before collapsing back onto her matching hotel bed declaring to the utter relief of both of them, that they “should just stay in and rent a movie”.
Both were still stuck in the depressing throws of their long lingering hangovers, so it was decided something “uplifting” and “light” was called for…
A “Feel Good” Movie Fulfills its Mission…
Enter, Mister Rogers’, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019).
After they turned it on, it took a minute to get past the intro of Tom Hanks playing a very realistic Mister Rogers in a mock episode. Reminding them just how slow the real Mister Rogers used to talk, and just how “weird”, by today’s standards, he seemed to come off.
“Unsettling” was how they would later describe it, the slowness of his voice seemed to be almost unnatural, something neither of them had seemed to notice when they both watched it as kids.
The premise of this 2019 movie was set around a reporter who had been assigned to interview Mister Rogers for an article in the magazine he worked for. The reporter’s name was Lloyd.
An early exchange in the movie:
Lloyd’s Boss: “Didn’t I hire you to do whatever I tell you to do? And right now, that’s doing a profile on one of our nation’s heroes.”
Lloyd: “Who?”
Boss: “Mister Rogers.”
Lloyd: “As in the hokey kids show guy?”
Boss: “As in the beloved children’s television host, yes.”
Lloyd wasn’t wrong, Mister Rogers indeed sounded “hokey”, whether being beloved or not.
Another exchange in the movie during his initial phone call to set up that interview:
Mister Rogers on the phone to Lloyd: “On our program, I try to look through the camera into the eyes of a single child, and speak to him, or her, trying to be fully present to their feelings, and their needs.”
Lloyd: “Right.”
Mister Rogers: “Do you know what the most important thing in the world is to me right now?”
Lloyd: “Uh, no.”
Mister Rogers: “Talking on the telephone to Lloyd Vogel.”
“Wow.” One of the women sucked in a big breath of air at the same time as muttering this, then continuing with curiosity rather than any kind of judgement, “it’s almost like he had a kind of intellectual slowness about him”.
After all, who says that?!
Imagine someone saying that to you on the phone! Wouldn’t you either think they were a little off, or at least start looking out your windows to make sure they weren’t spying on you with binoculars thinking to kill you at that very moment!?
Well that was how these women felt. Or… not quite.
Rumblings of an Idea
“Actually… I feel like I’ve been on a never-ending project of trying to slow down myself,” the other replied in an honest and unguarded tone that only lack of sleep and feeling like utter crap can often supply. “Slowdown in my speaking, my listening, and Mister Rogers is actually the perfect example of that.”
Hmph.
She was right.
That got them talking.
Isn’t it interesting how this idea of slowing down, the movement of being fully present to other people’s feelings and needs (a quote almost directly out of Mister Rogers’ mouth), as well as being present in the moments in our own lives, of being aware of our feelings and needs… exactly what we have all started to try to achieve today in our everyday lives?
Through meditation, through deep breathing, through finding happiness in each moment, haven’t we all started to try to do this exact thing instead of looking ahead, or looking behind, or looking to something outside of ourselves or this very moment in order to find that happiness and peace we so desperately lack?
Hmph.
And here was Mister Rogers accomplishing exactly that, here was him living in the moment, him practicing it in every scenario including what many might think a routine phone call. And what it appeared to these women as, women who had been mediating and working towards this very end for years…
Was just “weird”.
As the movie continued, these two slightly more enlightened women were introduced to episodes of Mister Rogers Neighborhood itself. Episodes about death, forgiveness, conflict, and even jealousy.
“Wow, seriously I didn’t know he covered such mature topics! This is like adult stuff for god’s sake!” one of the women exclaimed. The after-effects of the Pedialyte provided the energy to get seriously worked up about it all now.
When it came to the part where the wife of the main character says within a dream style Mister Rogers episode, “You go to the hospital when your body is hurt… but where do you go when your feelings are hurt?” the women were hooked.
What a profound question they mused, as they paused the movie for maybe the tenth time to discuss this latest piece of insight or life-enhancing wisdom.
Don’t We All Need To “Mister Rogers” Ourselves Once in a Awhile?
We like to think of ourselves as adults as having covered and mastered this “hurt feelings” topic decades earlier in our youth… but don’t most divorces, arguments, friendship endings, and long-standing resentment really all come down to “hurt feelings”?
If all those things continue to happen in our lives, have we really mastered this “hurt feelings” things as much as we like to think we have?
These women didn’t think so.
The questions and insights didn’t stop there…
“To die is human and anything human is mentionable. Anything mentionable is manageable.”
A quote from Mister Rogers from a scene where all the adults in the room kept avoiding talking about the eminent fatal prognosis of the main character’s father.
Or…
“Do you know what forgiveness means? It’s a decision we make to release a person from the feelings of anger we have against them.”
A DECISION, not a result or earned outcome, but a decision. Something totally within our control, totally up to us… we can hold onto our anger letting it eat away at us, or we can simply let it go. The latter in no way implying whatever needed forgiving was or is “OK”, just simply the action of letting go of the anger around it.
The quotes continued.
When a Half Joking Comment Becomes a Podcast
Somewhere before the closing scene, one of the women (no one remembers which sat up in bed suddenly and said this), pronounced “We should watch Mister Rogers Episodes and Learn From Them Now… as Adults!”
“Yes, and we could even record it and share it!” one of them added.
“And call it Kim and Meaghan Do Mister Rogers!!!”
Hahahahaha.
That last part lightened the weight that seemingly powerful and magical moment had on them.
As the laughter died down from the spontaneity of the idea, and the ridiculous but brilliant name of the “show” sank in, both women settled back into their white beds, starting the now rolling credits on the flat screen hotel TV.
They hashed out more of the idea.
Weekly podcast. Random shows to review. And total, unapologetic love of doing this.
“OK though, no matter what comes in the morning, no matter how silly this sounds then, or how stupid we may feel to follow through on it… we are doing it.”
They both agreed.
And amended, “And no matter how busy we get, or how distracted, or how much we are struggling with our lives that getting together that week to watch a kids show and talk about just doesn’t seem like a priority… it has to be.”
They wouldn’t forget this moment. They wouldn’t forget this feeling.
They had let their guard down, let go of their “all knowing adult” perspective… and found something that inspired them, something that moved them. Something that made them think beyond what they had already, dive deeper into ideas and concepts that they thought they had covered, and something that gave them hope…. in the world, in people, and in themselves.
All in this goofy little “Neighborhood”, where Mister Rogers was talking about important things on a simplified level.
So… they started “Doing, Mister Rogers”.
A Note From Kim and Meaghan
We just wanted to say thanks for joining us on this out-of-the-box journey to think more about the important things in our lives, to open your mind to ideas and simpler ways of thinking, and of just letting go a little and having fun on the journey.
We hope you enjoy this as much as we do. We hope you have fun while thinking about these sometimes-tough topics. We hope you have a bigger appreciation for yourself and who you are as a human being, and we hope you feel good whenever you listen to this.
Mister Rogers himself was in a way a guru from another generation, in another guise. We hope you get as much out of his episodes, his life, and our discussions about it… as we do.
And don’t forget!
“’You’ve made this day a special day, by just your being you. There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you, just the way you are”.